Bitter sweet symphony
Bitter Sweet Symphony
“Daddy, where’s mummy”??
My 6 year old son looks up at me from his bowl of kellogs corn flakes I had just served him, with milk dripping from his lower lips and worry in his eyes.
“Daddy, where’s mummy”??
He asked again
I couldn’t look him in the eyes, what would I say?? How will I explain this to him??
Where did my loving wife go??
I had asked myself that question for almost a year now, where did my loving wife go??
Funto was her name, I called her my Elf, not because she had pointy ears, no, I called her elf because she always managed to stay beautiful, look the same way all through the time I knew her. Where did my elf go??
She was the girl your parents prayed for you to find, the perfect wife. Loving, caring and ooh boy could she cook. I remember returning from an hard days work at the bank to a big delicious three course meal for dinner, yes that’s my Funto. She’d smile and watch me eat, stuff my face like I was going to die in minutes. But it all changed, where’s my Elf?? Where did my loving wife go??
It all started about a year ago when she lost her mother, her anchor as she always said, she loved her mother so much. And like the sun at the edge of an horizon, she slowly started to fade away, her light started to dim.
She woke me up one night, “I feel weird”, I struggled out of bed, sat up and looked her in her lost eyes.
“What can I do”??
She looks down at the sheets for a few minutes, looks back up at me
“Never mind dear, its all in my head”
Till this day I wish I had asked her more about it, maybe it could have been different, maybe she’d still be here.
Everything went quiet for a while after that, well until I came home early from work, I entered the living room and made my way up to the bedroom, tip toeing like a buglar in the night trying to give my darling wife a pleasant surprise. I open the door and I see her, my Elf. Face down on her make up table, I stood there in shock, utterly speechless,
“What are you doing funto”??
She quickly stands up, looks at me with bloodshot eyes, the space between her nose and upper lip looking snow white. She runs to me and hugs me, crying
“What do I do”??
My elf is a coke head, how long as this been going on, and how did I not know this.
I head to the bathroom, run her a hot bath and tucked her into bed after.
This continued for weeks on end, a never ending cycle of constant drug abuse. I sit her down one night after one of her mystery outings, she returns home faded and I ask, “why are you doing this to yourself”, she leans closer and whispers in my ear,
“The demons are about to get me”
I paused for a while, trying to process what she just said
She laughs, stands up and floats to the bedroom
After that night, I tried to help her, I really did
I stopped her from going out, locked her indoors but someway somehow, she always found her way out. I was at the end of my rope, what could I do, how can I help her. I try to keep my son close to her to make her happy again but nothing seemed to work
“Where did my elf go”??
I return home one night, from a very long day at work, I walk into my bedroom, drop my brief case and head to the bathroom, I see my darling wife withering in pain, folded up in the foetal position, shivering like it was below zero degrees.
I run to her and lift her head up
“Funto what’s wrong, Funto what’s wrong”
“Talk to me”
She finally opens her eyes, looked at me and whispers “help me please”
“I don’t want to live like this”.
“Funto don’t say that, let me go call the ambulance”
As I try to stand, she grips my shirt as tight as possible and pulls me back down to her
“Kill me, please”
“If you love me, kill me”
I starred at my wife, hoping I didn’t hear what I had just heard. She takes my hands and puts it around her neck, nods at me and says, “if you love me do it”
She keeps pushing my hands tighter and shortly after even I started tightening my grip. I can’t let the woman I love and cherish live this sad sad existence. I could feel her pulse, her veins beating, I could feel the blood flowing through those veins.
My grip kept getting tighter, she didn’t resist, she just layed there with a blank expression on her face, probably waiting to see the light. Tears started rolling from her eyes, and mine as well.
“Don’t make me do this”
She looks at me, “you have to or the demons will get me”
I see the pain through her bloodshot eyes.
I tightened my grip and looks up at the ceiling, I could feel her life slowly leaving her body, her pulse was get weaker, and weaker and weaker.
“Don’t make do this, “why are you making me do this”
I said to myself as I strangled the love of my life
For almost 15mins I was there, kneeling next to her, hands around her neck.
I finally summoned enough courage to look down at her, lifeless with a smile on her face, In the middle of my emotional collapse I let out a small chuckle, only my elf could die with a smile on her face. “Where did my elf go” “why did she do what she did”, answers I will never get to know.
My son asks me for the third time
“Daddy, where’s mummy”??
I look at him finally, and stuttered,
“The demons got her”.